5 Hidden Family Behaviors That Secretly Control Your Adult Life

Both the hidden family behaviour and the non-hidden family behaviour run in the family bloodline. And this is why, no matter how much you try to stand out and be different, there must be some level of your family behavioural traces running in your veins. You cannot run away from it completely.

 I was telling a friend of mine the other day that family is the number one and most important formative factor of every child. Not school, not church, not friends, but family.

In this blog post, we are going to look into how some hidden family behaviors have been able to shape your life today in a most profound manner. There are certain kinds of behaviour today that you will exhibit without knowing that it is simply a result of some hidden family behaviour that was contributing to your formation while you were growing up at home. Today, we are going to look into them. So if you are ready, let’s get down to the business of the day.

The Constant Criticism from Your Parents That Made You Doubt Yourself

The issue here is that a lot of couples who have come together to raise children and build a home have failed to recognize that being able to get pregnant, carrying the child in her womb and giving birth to that child is not all there is to becoming a mother. They forgot that going through the process of childbearing and finally giving birth to that child is not enough to qualify her as a mother.

On the other hand, men have also failed to learn that the ability to put a woman in a family way and having to give birth to a child does not really qualify him to be a father. Biologically, yes, he now fathers a child, but there are still other factors that qualify him to be the birth father he is supposed to be.

What am I trying to say? A lot of our parents failed as parents; they refused to learn the basics of parenting. Most parents have normalized using abusive words on their children without considering what the outcome will be for their kids. They keep on criticizing their kids for whatever they do. They always find it so difficult to commend and encourage them when they do something right.

Parents should know and understand that criticizing their own children has a special way of affecting the self-esteem of these kids; in fact, it is the major cause of low self-esteem in children. The best way to deal with this is to mind the way you correct your child whenever they do something wrong. Be kind and subtle with the way you give them corrections. Just correct them with love and do not criticize them in any way.

Emotional Neglect That Taught You to Hide Your Feelings

This might sound so strange to people who have never experienced what I call emotional neglect from family, because the truth is that they will never understand how it feels. There are families out there that do not understand in any way what is called emotional support, and this starts with the parents.

When parents are too insensitive to the emotional problems of their kids to the extent that even if that child summons the courage to open up to their dad or mum, and even at that, they still show a profound level of insensitivity to the plight of their kids.

A child who went through emotional neglect at the hands of their parents will always hide their feelings when they become independent adults. This is self-explanatory, and it is also in line with what I said in my introduction that the way you live your life today and whatever character you portray today as an adult is a result of some family behaviours that you were brought up with. This is why you see some people who would rather button up their feelings than let them out. I think sometimes they feel like opening up on what is really bothering them is another form of self-betrayal that could lead to emotional torture. And as a result, that adult habit of pretending to be “fine” will become the norm of their day.

Conditional Love That Made You Fear Rejection

What a lot of adults today got from their parents is that very conditional love that depended on performance or obedience. Some people did not even experience what unconditional and genuine parental love feels like. A lot of children today only experience continuous hostility, criticisms and rejections from their own parents.

In a situation where a child would have to be very intentional about whatever she is doing, especially at home, just so that she can earn her parents’ love or even feel loved. The truth is that such a situation has a way of messing with the child psychologically and even emotionally. What happens is that such a situation will continue to haunt and torment them even till they get to adulthood. Now they would always want to be scared of trying for the fear of rejection because somehow, they already have in mind that they are not enough already, or that their best is not good enough.

Family Conflict That Made Chaos Now Feel Normal to You

A lot of families have this culture and behaviour of always creating a very chaotic atmosphere at home, sometimes when they are having a normal family discussion or argument, anyone who is listening to them from outside will think they are having a kind of heated argument. I believe you can relate to what I’m saying. This family has in their pattern the culture of always raising their voices, even while cracking jokes or having normal family discussions.

Well, the above-mentioned points are not really the issue; the main issue here is that families like this always live in chaos and steady quarrel. Most times, the parent would always be so mean and very troublesome to the kids, most times for no reason. They always create a scary and chaotic atmosphere at home for the kids. Children who grew up and became adults in this kind of home will always feel like chaos is a normal way of living, and anytime they find themselves in a peaceful environment, they may not feel relaxed at all because they are not used to such a peaceful atmosphere.

Comparing Children Against Each Other

Some parents are so fond of this, as I write this post now, a lot of adults today are still suffering from the emotional damage of constant comparison, which they experienced at home during their childhood days. And here is where it gets more interesting: The negative effect of this comparison will continue to hunt you even as you grow into adulthood. There is going to be a lot of competition among siblings, which could even lead to unnecessary envy and jealousy if time is not properly taken.

Nothing is as dangerous as having your own biological sibling as your competitor, such a thing can lead to a lot of issues like enmity among siblings and so on. So, you who are reading this post now should be mindful of all these, especially if you are already a parent.

Summary

I want to state it categorically that parents should mind the way they go about bringing up their kids, though this post is not about parenting, but it is still closely related to it, as you can see. A lot of parents get it all wrong during the early days of their kids’ home training and formation. What hurts me the most is that most of these parents will keep on abusing their kids without considering what could be the result tomorrow.

A lot of adults today are going through life with the inner injuries that have refused to heal. And Gauss, who inflicted these pains on them, their parents. So, parents, we can do better, please.

This is where we draw the curtain for today. We would like to know what you think. So, feel free to drop your thoughts in the comment section. Thank you for reading.